New Year's Eve
There’s something about this time of year that is unsettling to me- I think more people feel like this than will say out loud. So I’ll just put it out there.
It’s that week between Christmas and New Year’s, we’re all stumbling around kind of sad Christmas is over (ok, maybe this is just me- but it’s kind of a full on depression when I realize I have to stop eating cookies on the couch while staring at my tree and watching Elf) and not really sure what day it is- but also not really wanting to be on a schedule. All of a sudden we are bombarded by New Year’s resolutions on Instagram and in every email we open, the year is about to turn into a new one, and we find ourselves evaluating every minute of the past year with a fine tooth comb.
Or is this just me? I refuse to believe I’m the only one.
Don’t get me wrong, personally I feel like I’ve accomplished so much in the last year. I got married, my book was published, friendships have become deeper, risks were taken (and I’m pretty sure they are going to pay off). But this time of year I always think back like, “did I do enough, be enough, was I good enough.” Enough for what, I’m not quite sure. The lazy days of this week all of a sudden become almost a panic attack- the anticipation of the year to come but the longing for the lazy days of the holiday season. It’s a real tug of war in my brain- a hurry up and wait if you will.
I’m excited for 2019- there are new businesses starting, fresh places to see, new opportunities on the horizon. But there is a sadness to seeing 2018 pass me by as well. If I could relive the feeling of marrying my best friend, traveling on our honeymoon and the adventures we had, the places that we saw, that crazy moment where I held my newly published book in my hands, all of it. I would. So to me that’s where the sadness comes in, life in 2018 was so special and good…. and although I know 2019 will be just as good with new memories to be made, I can’t help but wish that time would slow down just a little bit. Just for a moment so I could take it all in.
So this evening, while everyone is toasting and cheers’ing to 2019… I’ll be offering up a silent thank you to 2018 in my head. Thank you for all of the beautiful moments and memories, may this upcoming year be as special as you were.